The WWF takes on its biggest threat ever: clubbers.

Like it or not, the WWF will probably outlive us all. In tribute to the wrestlers and their eager-to-spend fans, the WWF opened up a theme restaurant, WWF New York, smack down in Times Square, the heart of New York City. It’s a den for those who openly embrace busting chairs over people’s backs and long-winded pseudo-inspirational speeches by juiced-up ass kickers.

On Saturday nights, though, WWF New York closes down and transforms into The World, one of the city’s newest nightclubs, with a supposedly $3.8 million sound and visual system. A nightclub you ask? Yes. We know. But it’s already hosted DJs like Danny Tenaglia, Deep Dish, and Roger Sanchez. The NightStalkers took another trip to New York to find out for the rest of us: What the @!*%?

NightStalker #1:
It wasn’t bad. I just wanted to say that before I say anything else. The club itself is nice. I know it’s a restaurant, but it transitions well. We got there really late, and there wasn’t anyone outside, which made me a little unsure about what I would find inside. The bouncers didn’t pat me down like a criminal, and they were cool about one of my friend’s not having proper ID. Overall, security seemed very well organized and executed. For once, a bouncer in New York treated me like an adult and didn’t violate me (thank you, by the way). It was bright inside when you first walked in, and I hate that – it’s a mood killer before you even see the main room. Admission was a little pricey, but what do you expect from a club in Times Square? (Note: that last phrase will apply to many other incidents that occurred throughout my stay at The World.) It also took a long time to actually get to main room; flights of stairs and hallways and roped off lines.

This should have been a sign to turn around: as we near the doors that will lead us into the main room, two security guards are leading this man, or what was left of a man, out of the club. If anything left a mark from that night it was this man all messed up on something I hope I never ingest, whatever it was. This is where the night got messy. The music was really good and at a comfortable volume. The actual space that the club embodies is nice. There are multiple bars that are big enough for everyone to wait for a drink comfortably. There was a lot of space to sit and to hang out if you didn’t feel like dancing. The dance floor wasn’t that big, but there were a few tiers, so everyone had room to do whatever they wanted – and these people did whatever they wanted. Everything at The World was fine, except the crowd. It was very young, and I don’t think I’ve seen so many obnoxious, conceited, phony, snotty little guidos in one room since my days at Catholic school. More than anything else, the crowd can affect a person’s experience at a club, and this crowd ruined the whole thing for me. The staff wasn’t the problem, but I didn’t have much contact with them. If it had been even just a slightly nicer crowd, I wouldn’t say that I didn’t like The World. However, after being stuck in that place with a bunch of pampered wannabe thugs, I don’t think The World will ever see me again.

NightStalker #2
Stop, The World, I wanna get off! OK, OK, done with the bad puns. The first thing I must present, which I know the club has no control over, is that the side street you must enter from is a wind tunnel. You know when you’re so cold that you say, “I don’t think I’ve ever been this cold?” Exactly. Frigid, blustery, bad for the hair. And then we went inside.

My boyfriend forgot his ID (he’s older than me, by the way), so the cute security guard just checked mine and said, “He’s with you, right?,” like I was his over-17 chaperone at an R-rated movie, and waved us both in. That might be bad from a security angle, but it made practical sense to me. Inside, the place looked like every theme restaurant you’ve ever been to (hello Hard Rock), only 10 times the size, and with all the vestiges of family fun shoved hastily to the side. This included the pinball machines and video games, which totally bummed us out. How crazy would it be to see club kids attempting pinball?

The World’s main dancefloor area is huge and might have been shaped like an octagon. I’m not sure here – it was foggy and crowded – but it definitely wasn’t a square or a rectangle. Maybe it was a circle. Whatever it was, it took about 20 minutes to actually get onto the floor (you had to walk down short flights of stairs and avoid masses of groping men), and once there dancing wasn’t really possible. My friend and I just kind of stood still, shell-shocked by the number of people and what they were wearing, before some particularly neck-less guy locked eyes with me, and working his arms up and down in time with his knees, said: “C’mon baby, where are your mooovves?” Evacuate. Immediately. We were a bit sad to leave the floor, because the sound down there was really warm and loud. A green laser and tons of fog made the place look even more like those Spring Break clubs in Cancun. Music: good. Sound: great. Effects: good. Crowd: big and bad.

NightStalker #3
All I know about The World is this - the two girls I was with disappeared for about 45 minutes and came back looking like some wild animal had tried to eat them. During that time, I just stood by a rail and got knocked into by lots of stumbling people attempting to keep their grips on cups of beer. But the club itself was hot - nice to look at, great sound. And the people, as messy as they were, were definitely there to party. If I had been able to find a place to sit or stand comfortably, or if I could have made it to the floor and had a few square feet in which to dance (imagine that), I would have stuck around for longer than I did.