| Let's get soaking wet!
Noah Tepperberg and Jason Strauss throw their hats into the pool party ring with the opening of Tao Beach, an add-on to their very successful Tao at The Venetian.
The clubbing-in-the-afternoon phenomenon, kicked off and exploited most effectively by the Rehab party at the Hard Rock Hotel, is so pervasive that it even made it onto “The Today Show” (and not as a Spring Break exposé).
We temporarily turned our NightStalkers into day walkers and sent them over to assess the biggest boost to club profits since bottle service.
Stalker #1
A wise man once said, “If you put a velvet rope in front of pile of dog sh*t, people will queue up for it.” The evil geniuses behind Tao must be counting on that with the newly opened Tao Beach.
Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that it’s not nice; it’s obvious that no expense was spared. The cabanas have the requisite plasma screens and booze-loaded fridges. I’m not sure, but the beach chairs looked like real teak. Orange-curtained pagodas pop off the light wood and white cushions of the chaises, a mix of single- and multi-person slabs that invite shenanigans of all kinds.
But here’s the scam. Tao Beach (FYI, there is no real “beach” to speak of, so I guess that’s the first scam) is on the same level as the rest of The Venetian’s sprawling sun-worshipping area, or in Vegas-speak, the “pool.” In fact, I’d bet that before it was Tao Beach, it was just more first-come-first-serve lounge chairs. Now sitting in one will cost you, and not just the $40 selectively enforced cover.
I innocently inquired if it was open season on the chaises (and I didn’t ask like a dork; I was direct and unassuming). Instead of answering “No, those are reservation-only,” the waitress sent over a VIP host (ugh) who looked me up and down (I was fully clothed and don’t have DDs), and said “Now, what can I help you with?”
Ew.
“Are the chaises reserved?”
“Yes, a lot of VIPs today.”
(Note: I never saw any that were recognizable.)
“OK, that’s all I wanted to know.”
“There are plenty of seats by the bar.”
Tao can go to Hell.
Stalker #2
I don’t really understand why everyone in Vegas is so excited by the party-by-the-pool concept. I know why the clubs are. But why are we?
Time was that you went out at night, stumbled onto the pool deck in the morning, passed out on a beach chair and woke up amongst toddlers and seniors with a wicked sunburn. The experience had a sort of charm to it.
Now the party doesn’t have to ever end. You can move directly from the club to the pool club and back again — drinking all the while.
Tao Beach looks like a soundstage for Girls Gone Wild! It’s a string of potential boob shots: The cabana. The pool. The DJ booth. The pagoda.
They also have the most beautiful waitresses I have ever seen, one in every hue. How the fair ones do it all day in the 100-degree heat and blazing desert sun, I do not know.
Stalker #3
Clubbers on vacation in Vegas never have to mix with the “regular” tourists again. Between Tao Beach, Rehab and all the nightclubs, you can be a freak all day and all night.
While it’s nice not to have to hang with grandmas in Keds carrying margarita yards, it is rough to have to spend like a player all day long. Cover charges by day and night, bottle minimums, $12 drinks, not to mention, uh, gambling. The next thing is poker games in the Tao Beach wading pool. Wait, why hasn’t anyone thought of that yet?
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